Football, duct tape & WD-40

Men!! Now that I have captured your attention…

Often after I listen to go on and on about football and what not, you sometimes take pity on me and say “OK, let’s talk about your skincare stuff.” I pounce on this opportunity and launch into a tirade about my new clarifying shampoo and BB cream only to have you stare blankly at me. Thus, in a service to all of womankind here are the very basics of beauty, written in boy language.

Why do we need moisturisers?

Would you like your cars to be so clean that it squeaks when the gears move? I thought not. As the name suggests, it is to add moisture. We have different types because the skin thickness varies between your legs and face. Just like you would not put motorbike oil in a car.

Once and for all, what is a split end?

You know how the end of the laces in your football boots fray? Like that, only with the ends of hair.

What’s with the scary face mask?

Masks are just heavy duty versions of the products we normally use. A cleansing face mask is a heavy duty cleanser that removes all the gunk off the face. A hair mask is a heavy duty conditioner. A hydrating face mask is a heavy duty moisturiser. What’s the difference? The difference between kicking a ball and kicking a ball hard. One goes further than the other.

Why on earth do you apply butters on your body?

Again, name for heavy duty moisturiser. Named so because it is of a consistency similar to well, butter.

What is this “exfoliation” I hear so much about?

Let us use an example here. You know when a simple rinse won’t get the mud off your football boots and you need to clean with a toothbrush? Exfoliation is the equivalent of toothbrushing your face.

Why do you use hairspray?

It keeps the hairstyle in place. Like duct tape in spray form.

How can shampoo be dry?? What???

Hair gets greasy because your scalp produces oil. Dry shampoo is a powder that absorbs the excess oil, then you brush it off. Just like you wait for the mud to dry before dusting it off your football shorts.

Also: It is not called a foot manicure, it’s a pedicure.

You’re welcome.

Until next time, Love, Me 🙂


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